Be Careful How You Pray

Do you believe in praying for good weather? What about for rain?

While great weather is nice to have, especially in summer, and I’m grateful when it occurs on opportune days, I’m not sure it is right to pray for good weather. What if my nice sunshiny day for a picnic prevents a farmer from getting the rain he or she needs so desperately for a crop?

I’m often aware of how public prayers can affect those around us, particularly if there are persons in the group who are not necessarily Christian.

In early May we had a brief getaway to the beach with 15 members of my extended family. The weather was gorgeous the three days my husband and I were able to be there. There may have been a few clouds, but no rain. By the end of that week, however (after we left), Ana, the first named tropical storm of the season, was approaching the very beaches where we swam.

Some would say (perhaps in jest), “You must be living right.” But the Scriptures say, “God makes the rain to fall on the just and unjust.” Weather happens. Weather-related disasters happen, but I, for one, do not believe we can pray a hurricane off its course. Do a farmer’s prayers make rain happen? What about the extreme drought folks are predicting for the southwestern United States? I have more questions than answers.

I am not a theologian or a pastor, nor have I ever taken a seminary class. But I have gone to church for over 60 years, read countless religious and Christian books, and I pray every day. Thus I have heard (and said) some very bad or perhaps lazy prayers that repeat old clichés.

Perhaps God doesn’t really care what language we use in our prayers, but I’m often aware of how public prayers can affect those around us, particularly if there are persons in the group who are not necessarily Christian. And while it is great to be able to just express your heart to God without embarrassment or excessive worry about wording, the words we use and the thinking our words represent can be influential. I cringe when I read memorial-type poetry on the back page of the newspaper saying, “God wanted another flower.” Really? Not in my theology.

What about illnesses? Why are some people healed while others die from cancer? Or why do freak turns of timing cause one person to die in an accident and others to survive? Do our prayers affect the outcome when someone is ill and, if not, why do we pray?

Regina Cyzick Harlow, who lost her baby girl just 17 hours after she was born eight years ago, struggled mightily with the “advice” and comfort people tried to offer.  I’ve asked her permission to share part of a poem she wrote, “Don’t Tell Me”:

“Don’t tell me everything happens for a reason
Don’t tell me this is just a season
Don’t look at me and raise your eyes and tell me that you know
That God takes care of everything because He loves us so . . .
I’ll never hear her footsteps as she patters down the hall
She’ll never learn to ride a bike or play with baby dolls
She’ll never call me mommy or sing her ABC’s
She’ll never get to help me decorate the Christmas tree
So before you in all your wisdom tell me how to deal with grief
Just close your mouth and walk away and give me some relief
I know you want to help me and you don’t know what to say
But hugs, and tears, and smiles are best, when my heart feels this way.”

Regina went on to start an organization that helps other parents who have suffered any kind of pregnancy loss, the Sadie Rose Foundation. And although one could say God slowly brought healing to Regina, who has helped so many others through her pain, I know she would much rather have young Sadie still with her.

Anne Lamott, the beloved Christian writer, wrote a book called Help. Thanks. Wow. (Riverhead Books, 2012). The title boils down three basic prayers we utter: “Help.” “Thanks.” “Wow.” When you worry about what to say in a prayer, especially privately, try one of these, and then quit, listening for the still voice that speaks to you in the quiet. When you don’t know what to say to a family member or friend, it’s okay not to say anything at all, and just offer a hug.

For a free booklet, “Squeezing Prayer into a Busy Life,” write to me at Another Way, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22802, or email MelodieD@MennoMedia.org.