When Play Is Imitating Mom and Dad

My grandsons are at the wonderful age where they are beginning to mimic what they see being done in the home and family. My youngest daughter was babysitting for her nephew when she first noticed that James was carefully “cooking” on some shelves that were in the dining room. His parents had wisely removed the books and knickknacks from the shelves; the bottom three shelves are completely open for his make-believe play. James was pouring the imaginary contents of one small pan into a larger pan, using some adorable tot-sized pans his other grandmother bought him.

Children learn what they see. They love to copy Mom and Dad. They love to say what we say.

Then James went to the kitchen and got some real oven mitts out of the drawer, and added those to his efforts. He was also employing a “spoon” for his cooking—a plastic shovel from a sand bucket kit that another aunt got him for the beach. James used that shovel to stir whatever he was making on his little stove.

This is a boy who loves to be in the kitchen, watching his mother, his father, and his grandmothers do their thing. He loves to be hoisted on the cook’s hip—the better to watch what is going on. Or, if lowered to the floor, he’s sure to find an open drawer or cupboard he can unload. (His parents have added nifty magnetic locks to critical cupboards; they’re all about safety.)

Sam loves to use his mother’s watering can.

Sam, my other grandson, who is two months older, has also enjoyed helping with chores, such as getting the dog ready to go out for his walk and feeding him. Sam loves being outside and helping water the flowers. His parents got him a small watering can that he can easily carry. But of course he also wants to carry his mother’s big watering can in one hand and his own small one in the other. These are the stories grandparents live for.

It is a truism that children learn what they see. They love to copy Mom and Dad. They love to say what we say. An early Mennonite writer, Alta Mae Erb—a wonderful mother, grandmother and educator—always said that play is the work, or “business,” in the young child’s life. They need to play.

Alta Mae wrote a book called The Christian Nurture of Children (Herald Press). First published in 1944, her ideas were perhaps a little revolutionary for a Mennonite woman during that time (World War II wasn’t even over yet). People still mostly believed children should be seen and not heard. Alta Mae would have been well-schooled in the Protestant work ethic that children should be taught to work and have ample chores.

But the oft-quoted verse from Proverbs 16, “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop,” implying the importance of useful work, does not apply to the small child, Erb points out. Play is so integral to a child’s being that when a child does not feel like playing, most parents are ready to take the kid’s temperature.

I like the fact that Erb, writing in her old fashioned way, goes on to say that “not only children, but adults may play with profit. . . . Play is any activity carried on for its own sake because of the enjoyment it gives, not necessarily because of the results [it achieves].” I love this woman.

“Play lays the foundation for the whole life—physical, mental, social, and moral. In the right kind of play the child will gain mental stimulus, motor control, emotional and social adjustment, all of what are vital in building a life,” Erb says. She points to another proverb, in chapter 22, for guidance: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” I like a more modern version here: “Train children in the right way, and when old, they will not stray.” If we take that literally, as adults and older we should keep right on playing whenever we can!

She encourages playtime out of doors, enjoying the sights and sounds of nature. I have to think of my dog, not yet one year old, as she explores the spring and summer wonders of the grass surrounding our house. She keeps finding bugs and worms and (yes) fallen birds and pouncing on them as if she has discovered gold. Nature is gold to small children as well: be prepared to stop on walks to really explore the many-legged centipede or busy ant or beautiful weed.

Erb encourages parents to buy few ready-made toys. Children will be showered with birthday and Christmas gifts from grandparents and everyone else, so invest instead in quality items that may benefit the child in the long term—a piano for the home, or a violin and lessons, or good art. Erb closes one section of her book by saying, “Never give the children poor pictures, cheap music, nor bad stories. Watch the mental food with great care.” What a great line.

Our grandchildren have been brought up so far in an environment that has little or no television exposure, and little exposure to mini-screens except for watching their parents on their laptops/smartphones, or when we Skype with the family. I’m thrilled that the boys seem to enjoy playing with tangible objects and helping around the house—in addition to having more than ample creative toys.

For a free bookmark, “100 Great Ways to Praise Kids,” email MelodieD@MennoMedia.org or write to Another Way, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22802.